shove a bum.... [entries|friends|calendar] was--|> hawT_moMma [ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ] [ calendar | livejournal calendar ]

[26 Sep 2007|09:28pm]  " i wish i didn't do the things I regret now, and I wish I did the things then that I long for today" It's funny how things can happen in a second, I've been hearing that lately because something so tragic has happened to one of Jaelan's God-father, there is a bitterness that comes around... I'm grateful that I didn't have to go through distress in order to realize how important everyone I care bout is, in their own ways. The cycle of life is an indefinite reminder that things will happen no matter how we don't like it... I have poured out so much about the things that I have regret doing in the past, now I am dwelling on the things I wish I had given myself a chance with. Either way, no matter how I linger on them or how long I will not be able to move past them, it won't move, unless I have accepted that it has passed... But I am given a second chance to make things better, to go on with what I have have and accept who I am. To take what is in front of me and work with it because if I don't do it, nobody else will. I am taking this strength and withholding detrimental power. To all that has lost a loved one, may their souls rest in peace.especially: Tita Christie's fam and; Tito Rudy's fam May God find his peace in you, Christina Calayca (you were a true genuine spirit, let God guide you wherever you are)   and last but definitely not least: Deo Coloma (we're not losing hope to somebody who is as strong as you, wake up real soon, everybody's waiting for you...)

nobody left to blame... [25 Aug 2007|07:17pm] [ mood | disappointed ] So after everything that's been said and done, there's still no lesson learned i tried so hard but it's still on me, i'm officially stumped and at times it feels as if i'm bringing him down with me ...  what does it take?!! it's really gettin too much .... i wish things were different from the beginning so things would've been easier... different... better...

summer fever [18 Jun 2007|08:08am] [ mood | cold ] Every damn summer It's like we're worlds apart and go about our ways but it is not. It's a grasp away... in'

ah am baack! [13 Jun 2007|07:34pm] well this has become my personal diary, which is good b/c sometimes a person's just gotta get it all out! I should be studyin since exam is next week! It's already the end of the term for second sem. And i am lovin every bit of it as funny as it sounds coming from the girl who didn't take highschool seriously and still managed to finish semi-on time! haha! BUT there is something about me that loves to put it off till the last minute. Take right now for example I have allll this time to do work and get ahead but no I just can't find the right motive to do anything. Whatever I'll do it after this mini-post... Secondly, as much as I want to go another way w/ our future plans, I can't! I think I owe this to beb and jaelan we want bright, easy futures so I can't and there's no other way for it. I know this'll all pay off. And besides there's no rush. And I'm happy we're goin it the way we want it... so there... Bebe's at his lola's so I have some time on my hands. Then I gotta get beb. I honestly gotta get my (____) w/ all this drivin I do. It's bad that I do w/o it. And I am lazzyyy ass helllll omgoodness I reallly don't want to but I realllly should. I'm so complicated. So where have all the good people gone?! Aren't there REALLY anymore left?!! I miss when you can just kick it w/o worryin and bein MYSELF!!!! Now all I see are the bad things in them. I am soo picky. I have a phobia. Maybe. Phobia of bein done wrong. It's not bad. I think that's how everybody else is feelin too. But I love my school chick. She's so down and funny. But that's not enough. EVerybody that i find i get along w/ are the ones who only get along w/ guys better... like me ... it's also ok b/c guys do not drama. And that is really GOOD! And then Paolo has been askin to chill at woodbine for volleyball(squeal) [which I have been wantin to do] but i get lazy... so does that count? bein lazy and all.. then askin where the people are... blah I am so confused.. I'm just tired of puttin up a front when there's really no need to... I feel kinda sick... XP I guess that is all for now. I know my entries are boring cuz there are no pics. Therefore, I am just lookin for placements. So excited. So thanx for listenin to (or readin) my nonsense. Have a good night! 2 ball in'

baby boom booms (= [02 May 2007|10:16pm] heehe just wanted to be funny... so yea the next babyboomers will be our kids  The kids of the first baby boomers. And I'm guessin majority will be boys, no doubt. I don't know it's crazy how everyone around is growin up or at least anticipating to grow up, marriage or having babies.  It's weird, I guess it's our time. So alot has happened lately. I haven't updated cuz I get sooo lazy like crazy plus the "triple-threat" months have come up and that means crazy focusing! I managed to pass everything in school! It was eazy peazy hopefully it will be like that the second time around up to the very end of my college career . I'm so happy well I got a supp. exam to do but it's with the most nice teacher ever. Enjoying my break so far. Well I'm almost at the end of it but I managed to get some things done that I've been meaning to.  Had a wicked birthday. Clubbin and bbq at the friend's house. the best. Things are still here and there but whatever... Met up with old friends, nice to see some familiar faces, and of course as well as additions ... Jaelan's birthday is comin up and he's turning two! So excited for him. I swear I love him more and more each and every day... And oh how I love you SUMMER! I wish you can stay all year long... So today I was browsing and I remembered having asiantown and it wasn't a big deal then when I got it, so when I came upon my page I saw old skool pix of me and beb and how we look so young haha not much difference but very young (well when I was in hischool everybody thought I was older) and the poem beb wrote to secretly say " he loved me" aww I guess it is just as important as any page I've had. Here are the pictures: oh beb and his black eye, i remember that at robby's then on another occasion at an internet cafe. And I miss my light hair. I'm thinkin of doin it again. I miss it too much. And I wanna give it some volume I'm prolly gonna perm it or put weaves! Hell yeah that's the plan for the summer if not later... Now it's so weird how everything is so different. I don't regret a thing at all but sometimes I wonder how things would've been if we were rich and single heehee but I don't let it consume my time because I'm just wondering I'm not wishing. Creepy, I feel so bad for saying it already. I love my bebe and I wouldn't have wanted him any later than when I had him. AND THAT'S FOR SURE! So what else is new?! Well I've got two friends expectin, one anytime soon and the other almost the end of summer. Exciting! I miss being pregnant, beb said it was because I got a lot of attention from him haha that's funny, but maybe, no i'm not that much of a brat and i'm still spoiled by him so it's all good.  And we got a plan so hopefully it will come through. Because things usually change with what we usually plan. So hopefully it will. I've never said it anywhere or to anyone but we plan to get married on the Saturday October 17 falls on. heehee figure it out. I guess that is all for now bebe is sleepin, beb just got home and we're eating. And tomorrow we have to do some planning for Jaelan's party and start buying stuff. Ciao ... 2 ball in'

BOOO [24 Apr 2007|10:00am] [ mood | disappointed ] Now that i'm in school full-time (and during summer too, mind you) most of my friends have been offering me jobs! and it's the jobs that don't consist of "harboring too much labor" with good pays!!! This sucks ... in a way...

fuming [22 Apr 2007|04:05am] [ mood | grumpy ] If I had to have to have to have PROBLEMS! I'd wish they'd be normal.... 2 ball in'

truth hurts - addictive... [30 Mar 2007|04:02pm] [ mood | crazy ] He breaks me down, He builds me up He fills my cup, I like it rough We fuss, we brawl, We rise, we fall He comes in vain, But it’s okay We do, I do, He knows the rules He takes care of home Though he’s not alone I’m on his knee, He keeps me clean And gives me things, He makes me scream, He’s so contagious, He turns my pages He’s got me anxious He’s what I’ve waited for He keeps me guessin’ Spontaneous He’s so persuasive, And I’m his lady Tonight is waitin’ And I ain’t complainin’ I’m entertainin’ My number one thing and My back is achin’ From all love makin’ Oh, yes, I’m taken Ain’t no use in fakin’ My ups, my downs, My high and my lows From head to toe, He makes me blow He hits the spot, He makes me hot I’m all that he’s got, And he’s all that I’ve got He’s so contagious, He turns my pages He’s got me anxious, He’s what I’ve waited for He keeps me guessin’ Spontaneous He’s so persuasive And I’m his lady Thinkin’ of a master plan You know anything you need, baby, ask your man You was there from a half a gram Now it’s kilos to C notes, and high fashion brass He ball like we own the world The only concern is you my only girl And when we sneak into chokes, breathin’ hard when I’m squeezin’ you long Keep it strong, but I gotta hit the streets when I’m done It’s joy and pain when you try and get ahead of the game It’s fucked up, but you never complain You just pray I don’t killed when I hit the hood Just another hundred mil’ and I’mma quit for good No more drug wars, trips to jail and shoot outs To gettin’ loot out for boys in bail, they’ll get you boot out Just me and you, hour of sex and twisted You O.G. to D.O.D. addicted He’s so contagious, He turns my pages He’s got me anxious, He’s what I’ve waited for He keeps me guessin’, Spontaneous He’s so persuasive And I’m his lady He’s so contagious, He turns my pages He’s got me anxious, He’s what I’ve waited for He keeps me guessin’, Spontaneous He’s so persuasive, And I’m his lady =P in'

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